For years I'd go to one, 60-minute class per week. But then life got busy. I moved. The teacher moved. I'd stop for a while and then I'd feel inspired to start again. I did feel more relaxed after class and I imagined it was good for me to stretch  my muscles. But the clock would tick ever so very slowly.

 

I'm mildly embarrassed to say that I didn't really enjoy or explore  yoga seriously for the first forty years I was doing it. Yet during most of those years I had a strong practice of meditation, spiritual studies, endless psychotherapy and a inner compass of integrity and compassion.

 

I just didn't know that what I was doing was actually  yoga.

 

I first read the  Yoga Sutras as a trainee in the Stellarflow teacher training. It's like playing baseball for a few decades and never knowing the rules. The  Yoga Sutras were the first written summation of  yoga principles, written by the sage Patañjali approximately 2400 years ago. I love that the Sutras go on and on about the details of simply living a conscious life before physical  yoga is even mentioned, and mentioned ever so briefly, I might add. This assures us absolutely anyone can 'do'  yoga. We are all capable of learning to be honest (Satya), or cultivating cleanliness (Saucha), even if our handstand isn't quite happening yet.

 

Our yoga practice is meant to be nourishing and illuminative. In the 'Heart of Yoga' by T.K.V. Desikachar ( this book is available at Innerstellar and is really a must-read ), we are counseled to develop alertness and relaxation. This means we develop a pose that is vibrant and alert yet without tension, and our relaxation is without dullness or heaviness. We cultivate strength and ease at the same time.

 

It has taken me these past few years to fully understand and embody this simple core principle. It's so easy to strive and force oneself to try to keep up with what we think the teacher is demanding of us, or to slack off-to slide out of the pose when the teacher is looking in the other direction, like a rebellious child. I know that no matter what asana is offered in a class, I CAN find  my breath and listen to  my body. I ask myself 'what part of this can I do?' and through this subtle questioning and awareness, a discovery unfolds. This is  my practice - cultivating strength and ease at the same time. I am learning how to move out of struggle and focus on what is possible, sliding into the spaciousness that feels right for  my body, knowing that it's different every day.

 

I've also come to understand the true nature of  yoga is all of life.  Yoga is not just twisting around on a mat, but is every single breath, every single thought, every single choice. In the petrie dish of strength and ease,  yoga is no longer boring for me. There's no need to look at the clock, because truly I am  always in a  yogaclass. I am practicing and honin g my ability to meet life, to be alert and strong in body and mind, while cultivating a joyful and open heart.

 

This is  my  yoga.